welcome back into my life

I can’t exactly remember when and how I lost it. I'm not sure if its fair to say it happened when I moved into someone else’s life. But that was pretty much the long and short of it. I never imagined I would survive a life without writing. It has been five years (half a decade!) and I couldn’t say it was a life lacking in substance. I just wasn’t writing. I am surprised to have still learned many things about myself without it.

Tonight, in fits and starts I try anew. I really doubt if I could ever write the same silly way again. But it has been crawling like a monkey on my back, pulling my hair and tugging me from behind with that familiar force that used to make me stay up all night. I used to slave beneath words and shadows while humanity sleeps, wrapped in the only world that makes me truly free.

Tonight as I look back and wonder about the years gone by, I find none of the contemplation that used to mark my younger days. There is a kind of self-absorption in my meanderings that I had unknowingly let go.

Tonight, like an old friend it has come back after many years of absence. Tonight I am sitting up until midnight for old time’s sake, coffee by my table and the darkness around me, to catch that one last sentence that is trying to kill  me.

Welcome back into my life and please, please never leave me again.

(Photo from http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Things-That-Should-Never-Stop-You-from-Writing-Your-Story)

south manor drive

here's where i spend most of my days when in baguio city. we used to stay in a metro-style hotel, where it didn't feel different from manila. i'm just happy we found this one. except for the food, which are mostly oversized and overcooked, i generally don't have a complaint. they say the rooms are old and gloomy, but i don't sleep much when i'm here anyway. in fact, there have been nights when i don't sleep at all in this cozy place--such is the irony of my days. someday soon i do hope to be here just for vacation -- no work, no worries, just chill time with friends and family.

here, i spent one quiet evening lounging by the bonfire. everyone was curiously asleep (we usually stay up late, working) so i had the sofa all by myself.

we've spent endless hours meeting here, sometimes until wee hours in the morning.                                                                              it's funny how the chairs' steel back rest can get really cold along with the weather.

home

It is not possible to talk about my new home without going back to the major drama that started it all.  Some five years ago, I found a place to call my own.  I lounged in it and in the comfort of knowing I will live in solitude for the rest of my life.

But then somebody came in a flash, and not without my help.  After getting scathed and scratched by a deranged cat, she forcibly evicted herself to start a new life with me. It was the most jarring event in my life that I welcomed with much surprise, joy, and relief.

After a week of living in her suitcase and sleeping on the office’s couch, we figured it will be safest for her to stay with me. The thing with being both girls is that you need to think of both your safety in equal measure all the time.

So we shopped for pots and pans and laundry basket and pillows like a newly-wed couple minus the ceremonies. It was heaven to be settled after the storm that had passed us by. But after one month, we had to leave the place in deference to my sister who was unable to grasp the complexity of my situation at that time.

We moved to a much smaller place where I am able take six steps to the left and ten steps to the right. It was what every new couple had to endure—we were short in funds, short in friends, but blessed with hope and faith in each other. We had my old mattress, her old bedsheets, a spooked television, and  a makeshift cabinet. We lived happily in one cramped place with a new member of the family.

After one year, a new place opened for us— one that is at least twice bigger than our current place. It took us only half-a-day to move all our stuff. There we stayed for three years fighting and making up and adjusting to a life of togetherness and home-cooked meals. We were able to get ourselves  bigger cabinets, a real sofa-bed,  a real gas range, and other things that make for a really comfortable home life.

More importantly, we discovered who our real friends are. Also, happily, my family came to accept us. Them and my friends finally realized  that having a dick is not one of my primary requirement for  choosing the person to love.

Here's comfy and orangey room
with wires and cables and Duday's toys all around. 

Two weeks ago, we again moved to a place we have been dreaming of having. We don’t dream big dreams but we work hard for what we can manage to have. Our new place is on a rooftop with windows all around, and a view to the skies and the open fields. It has two rooms and a space that could soon become my mini-studio.

It is like our life turned a new page. God is so good.

tired and gone

pretty much sums up the two things i need most after going up and down Baguio City four times in a row during the past two weeks.

This cucumber drink is served in Chalet where we usually stay.

welcoming presence at the gate of a seafood restaurant in Gerona, Tarlac