weekends into weekdays

i used to know weekends like this: a trip to the parlor and an unhurried stroll in the mall.  it has been a long while. how i miss these little things that make me happy.

but more than that, this weekend is a turning point of sorts. i finally figured out what to do for the next two decades of my life. for a long time, i was only sure of what i no longer wanted to do. but it took me a while (like, four years?) to figure out what i really, really wanted to do next.

it should have been a no-brainer, for there have been just these few things that made me look forward to weekends: writing, dancing, and sewing.

it has been a journey trying to know what about writing that is meant for me, and what about dancing that is meant for me. it has been a mystery trying to know what about sewing that i find hard to let go.

at any rate, i don't have big dreams...just a longing to commit myself to these passions day by day. i have forgotten how to plunge with both method and madness. as i begin to see what this means, i feel happy to find my old (actually, younger) self back. i feel i am going to begin life again, at 43. how cliched is that, huh?

just for the record, it has crossed my mind to take up MA in Linguistics. it has crossed my mind to venture into some fusion tribal practice as ATS has been making me feel lonely. and it has crossed my mind to sew another set of 15 yard skirt. it has crossed my mind to pick up my Korean and Spanish language lessons. let us see five years from now what becomes of these.

i am happy to find my song again.  but it doesn't feel like having to start all over again, not like the way it happened in the past twenty years after my parents died and my ex-es left. i am simply picking up the pieces that have fallen by the wayside during my journey, and seeing them now for what they were really worth-- my valued properties rather than excess baggages.

i used to get embarassed at the thought of having started projects that i never managed to finish. but, they never really left me.maybe i picked up projects that i didn't  know had a lifelong enrollment. maybe i am finally learning by heart this one simple lesson: there are a few certain things that  i can not live without, and they don't have to wait until weekends to get done. if they are something i really liked to do, they will get done.