구만 두는 거 아니

말하다가 구만 두는 거 아니
quit talking

읏다가 구만 두는 거 아니
quit laughing

걸어가다가 구만 두는 거 아니
quit walking

외치다가 구만 두는 거 아니
stop shouting

달리다가 구만 두는 거 아니
stop running

먹다가 구만 두는 거 아니
stop eating

가져가다가 구만 두는 거 아니
stop talking

잊다가 구만 두는 거 아니
quit forgetting

flat to fat

Here, let me just show you how I looked some two years ago when I was drilling ATS at least twice a week:

And this is me now, the fat-bellied girl in black and green suit on the right side, beside my bb:

Sad, isn't it? I can't even think of dancing again. I don't know how to get back to it. After I danced alone on the stage a year ago, I didn't want to try it again. It felt so lonely. The ones who knew ATS are in London and USA. How can I dance with them? I have to think about getting rich first.

Anyway, I've been juicing since three days ago. I got the inspiration from this blog: www.bastaigat.sikat. She followed the menu strictly and lost 8 pounts in one week but I was combining fruit and vegetable juices with egg, muesli, and wheat bread. Of course, I couldn't, wouldn't ever let go of coffee. I didn't have a juicer and was just using this blender from my bb's aunt:

The carrot combined with apple, pear, and cucumber and looked like this:

I strain the pulp bits and just drink the juice. On the second day, they consisted of much the same fruits, added with celery and singkamas, and a glass of watermelon fruit juice. It's the same combination today, but a dash of cinnamon will be added. I'm cooking potato soup for my hot-soup craving at night.

This has one regular potato, 10 cloves of garlic, one small onion, turmeric, pepper, and some salt. The basil leaf on top made it taste refreshing. BB downed one bowl too.

This has 3 pieces of apples, 2 oranges, 1 celery, a dash of cinnamon. I finished 2 glasses ad bb finished one too.

I weighed 106 pounds two days ago. I will give myself another two weeks of this juicers and low-carb diet and see what happens.

the courage to start, and the humility to start again and again

Has it been six months since I last posted here? It felt like a lifetime has been lost. And it was because one guy in the office messed up his job so badly, and I was among the girls who had to pick up the slack. In my work life, I have been through this a lot of times before.  The men mess up and the women clean up and put  humpty dumpty back together again.

As a result, I have grown a fat belly (34 inches, a first) and have known no other dimension about living but the pressures at work. Finally they got a new guy (hopefully a better one) and I can look at getting some time off. At least some time to sleep eight hours, and some time to cut up my fruits and vegetable so that I can at least eat healthy.

Most of all, I can find time to look at what's ahead of me. I am forty-four and frightened of growing old sick and poor. The years are catching up so fast, and I feel like never before that I have to be on my toes and plan and prepare well so that I won't get old cranky and a a pain in the ass to others.

The fascinating thing about this stage of not-anymore-too young-to-doubt-and-still-not-too-old-to-give-up is the certainty that I will know what I want to do in my old age and I will know what I will be able to do to get there, if given the chance for some ME TIME.

Needless to say, I am hating my work right now for taking up all my strength and time and energy.
I have forgotten how it feels to have a passion -- when I used to be passionate about dancing, learning a new language, writing.

But all of that is going to change.

If the now is going to stay bad for some time, I will make sure to have time at least for dreaming. I will no longer allow them to take that away from me.To pursue my passions, to be healthy, to be rich. To be of help to others in a really significant and tangible way.

I will stop focusing on the limitations of my current situation and start building a mental vision of my future. That is what I am going to do. To hell with the office who don't know the meaning of work-life balance. (I am still really mad.)